A Simple way of Barring NSD

My late grandmother was a telephone addict. She used to get up at 4.00 am in the morning and start her long distance calls by 5.00 in order to avail the discounted early morning rates. Though she used to keep her speech low, so as not to disturb me, I used to wake up hearing her murmurs into the phone. Finally I figured out a way to dissuade her. I would pull out the cord before going to bed and would plug it back only after I got up. If the phone goes dead the tension was palpable as she used to feel like out of oxygen.

As age got up with my mother, she too started showing signs of her mother’s genes. One day when I visited her she was irritated as the phone was out of order for a couple of days and about the same time her cellular phone also had konged out. On my way back I stopped at my brother's petrol station to register the complaint on 198. When I keyed in the phone number - 272460, the answering machine stated that there's no telephone corresponding to the number. However much I tried the response was the same. I accepted defeat and proceeded to register the complaint in writing including the frivolous response of the answering machine.

Couple of days passed and still the complaint was not rectified. I talked to my brother about not being able to register the complaint from the phone at the petrol station. To my amazement he revealed that in order to mislead freeloaders he had switched the dialling buttons zero and star. All NSD / ISD codes start with zero. So when I thought I was dialling 272460 in effect I was dialling 27246*. No wonder the system couldn't recognize the phone number and kept repeating, "There is no phone corresponding to the number you dialled".

I couldn't but admire my brother's indigenous and simple NSD/ISD barring technique

This is what happened to Chechi.......

Chechi = Malayalam for elder sister

In the eighteenth year of our wedding, Suja who was a 1st year medical student at the time of our marriage (discontinued since) started to complain about an irritation in her right ear. Naturally I took her to an ENT specialist in the nearby town. He examined her ear and found that she had a minor hearing loss and directed us to get an audiometer test done. The test confirmed his findings and we were asked to come after a year to repeat the test and if there was a significant increase in the loss of hearing go for further investigations.

Some months passed by and Suja started feeling as if an insect got inside her ear. Off we went to a senior ENT specialist in the city who happened to be the professor of the ENT specialist whom we consulted first. He examined her and came to the same conclusion of minor hearing loss and asked us not to make a fuss about it and to ignore it. Since a senior ENT specialist gave a concurring second opinion we totally ignored the fluttering sensation, as she used to refer, in her ears and did not go for the re-evaluation after one year as recommended by our original consultant.

A couple of years passed by and Suja started to get tired more often. One would find her taking rest frequently even after short journeys. Celebrations for the 50th wedding anniversary of her parents were planned and among the invitees was Dr. Paul Puthooran, a family friend. While talking to Dr. Puthooran, he mentioned that he had recently undergone a craniotomy (brain surgery) to remove a tumour the size of a tennis ball and made me put my hand on his head to feel the soft portion in his skull, where the surgeons had opened to remove the tumour. Casually I asked him what the symptoms were and how he suddenly became aware of it. He said that one day while examining patients in the OP he felt numbness at the tip of his fingers and called in the neurologist who conducted an MRI scan and the tumour was detected.

After the wedding anniversary celebrations, while we were driving back home I narrated the incident to Suja when she said she too has numbness at a particular spot on her right cheek. The next day morning we went to the ENT specialist whom we had consulted originally. On preliminary examination itself he said that the hearing loss had worsened and recommended a CT or MRI scan. The ENT specialist at the hospital where MRI scanning could be done was a close friend of mine. I rang him up and fixed a date for the scan convenient for the periodic servicing of my car!

We waited till the servicing date was due, gave the car for the routine servicing and went to the hospital for the scan as if it was only of secondary importance (I happen to be a perennial optimist). As the scan was in progress I found my friend, the ENT specialist, rushing into the scan room. After a while the nurse came and made me sign an indemnity letter, I did sense some danger then. Scan completed, the doctor friend took us both to dinner and admitted us in the hospital, (for purposes of claiming the medical insurance), saying that there was nothing serious and we’ll be discharged the next morning. By next day noon I found my mother, brother and sister at the hospital to break the news to me that the scan report showed a large tumour on Suja’s right acoustic nerve which had grown too large and had already started pressing other parts of the brain.

The ENT specialists we consulted originally as well as for second opinion missed to diagnose the tumour because she had told them about a fluttering feeling and not used the medical term ‘titinis’ or something to that effect (how are we, laypeople to know). We too had missed some tell tale symptoms like patches on the pillow cover caused by oozing of saliva at night due to weakness of the lip muscles.

The doctor friend said that the tumour called medically – Right vestibular shwananoma, has to be removed at the earliest but since the tumour had grown so large and that it was adhesive to the facial nerve, we need to find the expert in the field of CP angle surgery as facial nerve damage could cause severe disfigurement of the face. My brother-in-law who is a doctor contacted his colleagues and finally shortlisted two neurosurgeons, one at Hinduja hospital Mumbai and the other at Sree Chitra Tirunal Institute of Medical Sciences Trivandrum (SCTIMST).

Suja preferred to do the surgery at Trivandrum considering the logistics and language. At SCTIMST, were treatment is highly subsidised by the Govt. Of India, there is always a long queue of patients waiting for surgery, and only life threatening cases are given out of turn preference. It so happened that my maternal uncle was the Director of the State police at that time with HQ at Trivandrum. He got an appointment with the HOD of Neurosurgery as soon as I telephoned him. The surgery was fixed after two days and the tumour was removed along with the right acoustic nerve which left Suja permanently deaf on the right side. As expected it was a benign tumour as 99% of acoustic shwananoma tumours are found to be.

However since the tumour had grown too large and was severely adhesived to the facial nerve some damage was caused to the facial nerve which resulted in partial facial palsy. As a result she lost her ability to smile naturally as well as lost the functioning of the right eyelid to close and open. The atrophy of the lachrymal glands dried up the production of tears on the right eye; so she has to use artificial tears for the rest of her life for her right eye. This causes irritation and redness in the eye often while travelling due to dryness of the eye and she becomes tired after prolonged introductions.

Subsequently she has had two minor episodes of exposure Keratitis (cornea-the black portion of the eye, becoming white which could lead to eventual loss of sight) of the eye due to the failure of repeated tarsoraphy (stitching together of the eyelids at the corner of the eye to facilitate closure of the eyes). Finally a small gold (for its non infectious quality) plate was inserted in her upper eyelid as a weight to aid closure of the eyelid.

For a year after the surgery she shunned social interactions and public functions. Now she has got accustomed to or forgets the minor disfigurement of her face but still becomes uncomfortable if she is being photographed.

PS: This post is in response to the question from a friend during our recent visit to Chennai. “What happened to Chechy, She did look off colour?”.

Poor little Rich man

I am a poor little rich man who undeservedly utilise the benefits of government subsidies.

I was forced to apply for a ration card to be produced before all and sundry government offices as proof of my name, age, sex, address, and what not. While applying for the same, I had declared an income which I believe must be the highest in my servicing ration shop if not the locality (nobody gives the true figures).

By virtue of the ration card I was issued, I became entitled to two litres of subsidised kerosene every month which I use for my generator. The shop sells somebody else’s subsidised rice at a higher rate to me with which I feed my dog. I am entitled to subsidised sugar only during festival season, which I fully make use of.

I buy the kerosene and sugar only because I am entitled to it and if I do not take delivery of the same, obviously the shop keeper will sell it in the market and make a profit at my expense because he would have already taken delivery of these items from the civil supplies godown on my account.

I do not require any subsidy on any item whatsoever. I don’t mind taking them away, but put an end to the cross subsidisation. Take away the subsidy on kerosene and cooking gas and other petroleum products, but pass the corresponding reduction on to prices of petrol and diesel.

Please note that this might be a case more particularly of relevance to the state of Kerala where there is no abject poverty as seen in the north or other parts of India. The gap between the rich and the poor is comparatively less here because of the exorbitantly high wages.

A Tale of Two Extortions.

Extortion No. I
A year ago I temporarily shifted my place of residence from the estate to the town owing to my son’s education. He was in school as a boarder from the 1st standard and since he is to appear for the 2009 ICSE exams, bitter half wanted him under her tutelage.

Being a Syrian Catholic it is obligatory for us to attend Holy Mass on all Sundays and the church rules stipulate that anyone who resides in the jurisdiction of a parish for more than six months should transfer their name from the old parish to the new.

The first Sunday I attended Mass at the new place I noticed that the church was not very impressive and thought why the priests had not so far contemplated remodelling it. As if the vicar read my mind, the very next Sunday after the Mass he started a prayer for divine help to renovate the church.

Immediately I sensed what was in store if I joined this parish because just before I relocated from my former place of residence, the vicar there had imposed a hefty donation on me for building the parish hall. The only course of action for me to save from yet another heavy donation at the new place was to go for Mass at the nearby Latin Church which is an outstanding edifice and definitely not going to be remodelled in the near future.

Incidentally the most expensive piece of real estate at Kottayam in Kerala, India, is situated at the church cemetery! A 6 feet x 3 feet plot costs Rs. 2 ,00,000/- ($3,850) rate as on 26th Jan.2009.

Extortion No. II
I happen to have a small cardamom plantation is in the high ranges at Vandanmedu in Idukki district of Kerala, a state at the southern most part of India. The plantation was acquired by my grandfather in 1950 in the name of my then 18 year old father, from Mr. M.M. Mani Modayil, and has been in the family for now nearly 60 years.

Though we are supposed to be the lord and master of our land, there is a superior authority above us. If you thought I am referring to God almighty, you are mistaken. It is the all powerful union leader whose interference hangs as the dread Damocles's sword over our head.

Even though we pay the prescribed minimum wages plus all fringe benefits such as Bonus, Leave With Wages, National and Festival Holiday Wages, Sickness benefit, weather protection allowance, Extra Wages for insecticide and fungicide spraying and Gratuity, the militant communist trade union leaders precipitate issues to hold-up work with their muscle power if they are not kept in good humour.

During the 1st week of February the local CPI (Marxist) office bearers approached me for a donation to the party fund. I stated that I was willing to contribute Rs. 2000/-, which step by step I increased to Rs.4000/- but they sought Rs.8000/- and after bargaining wouldn’t settle for anything less than Rs.5000/- which reluctantly I had to part with which much heartburn. After they left I was shocked to find that only Rs.500/- was written on the receipt. I sent the receipt to the person and got it corrected but the amount he has written on the counterfoil remains a mystery!

A week after they ripped me I received a notice informing me that they were starting a union in my estate. Maybe the thought that I might not oblige them with funds once they opened a branch must have prompted them to make the raid in advance.

Agony of a driver

Kollam (Kerala) – Theni (Tamilnadu) NH.220, Chottupara stretch between Peermade and Kumily on the way to the world famous Periyar Tiger Reserve (Thekkady).

The unlucky driver fell into the pothole and broke the axel of the car (click on the picture to view the full impact). The 15 year lifetime road tax collected at the time of registration of the new car is used to pay the exorbitant salaries of the Government employees. Then where is the fund to maintain roads?


Stop charging road tax. Give the important roads to private entrepreneurs, let them maintain the roads and collect user’s fee.

Truth is Stranger than Fiction.

Owing to the excitement of becoming a father for the first time, he got so crazy that he went to the goldsmith to make a spoon with the date of birth of the baby engraved on it. But the level headed mother who had her feet perfectly planted on the ground wouldn’t let him know the exact date so he had to be content with just the month and year embossed on it. The boy was literally born with a golden spoon in his mouth.

True to the excellent stock that he came from the boy grew up to become so handsome that girls couldn’t help from exclaiming about his good looks. Like all boys of his age he grew up into a mischievous young man.

Entering college he had a big fan following because of his pleasing and easy manners. Things came to a state where he had to discontinue studies half way through the first year and return home. But the brains he inherited from his brilliant mother saw him through the entrance examination for CA with distinction.

The brand conscious person he was would do his training only in one of the big four. As luck would have it he managed to get into one of them. In the city where he was undergoing training the office of a famous film producer was directly opposite to the office where he had joined for training. Many a day the producer and he would travel up the same elevator. The producer noted his good looks and one day asked him if he would like to join movies.

Though a little apprehensive he thought of giving it a try and answered in the affirmative. He was cast opposite a pretty young thing in a movie which went on to become a block buster. So the CA course too was abandoned midstream.

Further movies didn’t takeoff and he was left in the lurch. But destiny was benevolent. That’s when thankfully his distance education Bachelors degree came in handy. Armed with the degree he applied for the civil service examinations. Because of his casual nature there too he was unsuccessful in the first two attempts. With his back to the wall he put in rigorous work and finally came out successful and was enrolled into the Indian Police Service.

NB: Any resemblance to any person living or dead is intentional

Agricultural Income Tax

The planter and the NRI have one thing in common. Both of them do not pay Income tax (To Central Govt.) However the planter has to pay tax to the state government. Kerala is one of the last remaining states in India which still levy’s this tax. The tax has to be paid in advance on or before the last day of February for the approaching assessment year.

Before 1990 this tax was levied based on income against appropriate slab rates as in central Income tax. The basic exemption those days given for Agricultural Income was Rs.20, 000/- and the rate of tax was as high as 80% in the final slab. Those days almost everybody used to declare only Rs. 10,000/- to 15,000/- as income. How on earth one could live with that income for a year was conveniently ignored.

During the proceedings of the assessment like issuance of pre-assessment notice and calling for objections which invariably the assessing officer rejected on flimsy grounds the assesse bribed the officials and the officer would enhance the income to somewhere around 25,000/- levied a small income tax and matters were settled to the advantage of the assesee and the personal profit of the officer and considerable loss to the exchequer. (The officers in turn bribe the powers that be to get posted to lucrative offices like Kanjirappally and vandanmedu)

Then in 1990 the Finance Minister in the LDF ministry Mr. Vishwanatha Menon (he was dismissed from the communist Marxist party some time ago and contested unsuccessfully as an independent in Ernakulam and I am not sure whether he is back in the party) introduced the compounding system of payment based on area and the crop that is cultivated. It was a great relief to the assesse in as much as that the amount of tax was fixed irrespective of the income earned and it also took away the discretionary powers of the assessing officers.

Now the planters have accounted surplus in their books. The officers have lost interest in doing the nominal work since they do not benefit otherwise.

The statement below shows how compounded tax is calculated.